The choice to divorce is an agonizing decision that many families face, but is divorce truly okay for children? There has been much research and studies done on both sides of this issue, but in the end, the children are the ones that are left with dealing with the change in their lives. It is a decision that shakes the environment that was supposed to be the source of their stability. It is the same as the death of a parent and in the end they are dealing with all the same stages of grief. No, divorce is not okay, Just as the death of a parent is not okay. Death is not a choice, but divorce is.
In the end, there is no such thing as a “good” divorce. In today’s society, more than 40% of children under 16 years of age will experience divorce in the family compared to the turn of the century when 25% of children experienced the death of a parent before the age of 15 (Amatol 1994). This is a huge Jump in the percentage of children feeling the abandonment of a parent through a decision of one the parents. Children are shown to suffer long range effects in various areas of their lives, including bonding, attachment, coping strategies and various developmental delays.
It is due to hose reasons that parents are presented with a moral dilemma; are they doing enough to save their marriage for the sake of the overall welfare of the children. Are parents doing enough to save children from the impact of divorce? When a couple decide to get married, they are responsible for the life of the child that they raise through birth or adoption. A child relies on their parents as they grow up and learn to be independent, and with this reliability, they form bonds and attachments. It has been noted that parents have the most influence on a child’s development than any there outside influence. Wang, Peterson, & Morphed, 2007). These areas have the longest lasting effects into their adult life that impact possible career choices, relationships, faith and moral decisions. When parents get divorced, they are breaking the trust and bond that they have created and depending on what stage the child is in their development, it can create emotional damages that last throughout their entire life. In young children, the emotional bonds they create also allows them to grow in certain other developmental areas (such as feeling secure, trust, etc. And hen the parents get divorced, the sense that the child has to rely on their parents is gone and this can lead to unpredictable circumstances and, therefore, behaviors that can cause emotional issues such as anxiety and trauma (Quinn, 2008). Mr.. Donald Quinn states that, “Children are accustomed to routine and structure. These concepts provide security and stability for them. As a consequence of divorce, their routine is disrupted,” (Quinn, 2008). With divorce, no matter what stage of development the child is in, the trauma of divorce can severely do emotional damage no matter what velveteen state they are in.
Children between the age of 0-3 have developmental Divorce By Supremacist affectionate bonds and sufficient contact with all caregivers Just to name a few (Cot and Shoemaker). In addition, children under the age of three will most likely lose the attachment of the person that they do not see as often, and therefore, this causes them to have a difficult time creating a parental bond (Cot and Shoemaker). So if a child is staying and living with their father, and their mother moves out due to divorce, the mother-child bond that they had before will slowly be diminished.
In addition, without the institutional parent, separation anxiety will occur and once the child reaches the age of two, they will be much more likely to be affected by the divorce emotionally that will impact their future emotional development. As children grow and enter the childhood stage, there is a high chance that these numbers of negative effects will increase. Also, older children slowly begin to understand the concept of divorce and many negative effects will begin to impact them. Their academic behavior is shown to suffer which may lead to the long-term effects on their confidence level.
In addition, depression and anxiety could intensify because the children will be torn between their mother and father. (Cot and Shoemaker). Shoemaker and Cot explain that, “the perception of “losing” a parent may cause the child to be hesitant in forming close relationships with others for fear of another loss” (Cot and Shoemaker). With less parental involvement and supervision, there is the likelihood that the child will act in delinquent behaviors (Cot and Shoemaker). Overall, it has been shown that divorce truly does have a negative impact in the total development of a child and should therefore, be avoided.